on conversations and caring

Lately I haven't been writing,
it's not a bad thing,
I usually write only when i'm sad,
or maybe its because I've just been lazy.

~

I'm starting to enjoy talking to strangers,
not for perverse reasons, no,
but for the simple pleasure of conversation and discovery.

It's amazing how the rest of the world is different from you.
I recently learnt about out-of-body experiences,
dolphin insemination,
how it's like singing in a band,
the small town of Lundt,
and that most Gujerati's are merchants.

At times, after these conversations,
I realise there is so much out there,
and I only have so little time in this world.
Why waste moments on mundanity?
Go ahead, live it, feel it.

~

Yesterday, I spoke to a jaded and cynical friend about indifference.
Sure it is easier not to feel than put yourself out there and get hurt.
Indifference is powerful; a cocoon that protects,
yet at the same time causes others to come forward, to give.
Isn't that how Leslie Cheung got Carina Lau in Days of Being Wild?

I excelled in this game before,
and won many battles,
only to end up losing the war.
I caused those who loved me and whom I loved to leave,
and others, pain and frustration.

Now I choose to care, I've learnt to bother.

- To go the extra mile for friends and not expect us all to be
'mature adults who should know what he/she is doing'

- To try and keep a best mate that has drifted,
because 18 years of friendship is worth more than a
'Why bother, it's his fault not mine.'

- To ask my mother how her day went,
because it makes her happy.

- To be active than passive-aggressive,
because it is a hurtful thing to do.

- To explain myself to those whom I love,
because their opinions matter.

- To really listen, and not just wait for my turn to speak.

Sure this means there is more to work to do.
It is also easier to get hurt and rejected.
But I would rather this than not feel,
because the one who loves, lives.

It's funny though,
this probably contributed in some way
to the demise of something beautiful in my life.
Emotions, they're a funny thing,
if not managed, can really ruin you.
But I'd rather choose the difficult path
of reining it in than turning off the tap in future,
because I want to have more to offer next time,
not less.